Dear Denis,

Thank you so much for joining me at the table at today's Frontier Centre for Public Policy breakfast on education. I was sitting alone, with the other tables filled with people who knew each other and, naturally, wanted to sit together. I was happy to have some company and the chance to chat with you before the speaker took the podium.

I regret, however, that after the presentation, I was so focused on getting to the speaker before anyone else did that I ended up leaving you stranded at the table without a word. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye or let you know how lovely it was to meet and talk with you. Our conversation was fun and interesting, and you certainly didn't deserve me turning my back on you at the end of the event.

As a teacher, you've probably received worse treatment at the hands of your students, but that is no excuse for my poor manners. I only ask that you don't judge me based on this occasion; I normally avidly subscribe to and pride myself on my attention to such details as kindness and civility, but my ego got the better of me this morning.

Enjoy the rest of your day, and know that I have learned a valuable lesson - even short-term acquaintances are entitled to common courtesies. Too bad it was learnt after the fact!

Cheers!

jenny

Beyond our control

Ever have one of those days when you feel everything is beyond your control?

Today, I tried to get a new doctor for reasons that I probably shouldn't discuss here. Anyway, went to one that a friend suggested in hopes that I would be successful. The receptionist said they weren’t taking any new patients, they already have 400 people on their waiting list, one of the criteria to even get on that list is that you don’t already have a doctor, and there is an international shortage of doctors worldwide. (I think that last one was to stop me asking questions!)

Yes, there is a doctors’ hotline I can try, but it might be a problem since technically I already have a doctor. Sigh!

I remember the days when you could go to the doctor of your choice, partly because there were lots from which to choose and not so many people going to each one. Now, you have to get on a list - even if you're sick or in pain or worried and really need to see someone. Yes, there are emergency departments at hospitals and walk-in clinics, but nothing quite beats your own doctor whom you trust and respect.

Too often things happen that are beyond our control. It's frustrating and annoying, and, try as we might, frequently without resolution or fixing. There is, however, always a choice - to look at the situation differently, to see a way round, to accept as is, and to stand up and fight. At the end of the day, it depends on how much time and energy you have, and how important it is to win.

I need a new doctor, and it's in my best interests to keep going till I find one. The choice to keep trying - now that's something I can control!

Make the break

This past summer, I picked up two habits - Stargate Atlantis and Doctor Who.

In my defence, I was already a fan of the third entity of the Stargate franchise, Stargate Universe (with its vague resemblance to Battlestar Galactica, of which I was also a huge fan), and found myself drawn to the previous two Stargates before finally settling, for sheer logistical reasons, on Atlantis.

As well, I was a late bloomer with respect to the Doctor Who series, picking up with Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor, affectionately with David Tennant, and now with Matt Smith. While impatiently waiting for the 6th season to start (Spring 2011, I believe), I decided to follow the journey of Rose as the Doctor's companion and see how they parted - an episode I missed the first time round.

Essentially, I was looking for something to fill the void created by the summer TV schedule, and was naturally drawn to great programming on Space Channel. (Small plug there, folks!)

TV and pop culture are habits I enjoy - useful for speech ideas, book and story ideas, conversation starters, and mindful and mindless distractions. I have no plans to give either of them up, and am, in fact, quite adept at working while viewing. But I do need to stay the course and focus on those nearest and dearest to my heart. Especially love the character-driven stories with engaging elements, outstanding scripts and unexpected arcs. Atlantis and the Doctor succeeded on all counts.

However, with my summer mission completed, it was time to let them go and refocus my attention on matters and programs of a more long-term and essential pursuit.

And so, with an audible and formal statement to make the break, I farewelled those small-screen companions and tuned instead to my speaking and writing projects - gaining an extra two hours a day that I was keen to devote to creative thinking and quiet contemplation.

To Colonel John Sheppard and crew and the 10th Doctor and companions, thanks to you all - your stories and adventures will accompany me as I delve into my imagination and set course for success in my own dimension, if not in my own mind.

Huh ...

Is it possible that I can be absolutely crackers and still brilliant? I'm beginning to think there is more to me than meets the eye.

Today I got up early, did some work, and then went back to bed. Slept for a while and then woke up, chastising myself for being so lazy. I then promptly jumped up, headed downstairs, and got right back to work.

And then suddenly, I had a simply spectacular idea. An idea so obvious, so appropriate, so perfect - and that I am keeping to myself, for now. Suffice to say, it invigorated my entire day and I've been going like crazy ever since.

So, again I ask, is it possible that I can be absolutely crackers and still brilliant? Gosh, I certainly hope so!

Find the joy

Been getting bogged down in my thoughts of late. You know, the ones that make you doubt and despair and come to a complete halt.

It's funny. Many people think I've got everything under control all the time. But there are days when it seems that I'm not able to focus on the things I have to do.

Of course, that's okay ... occasionally. But not when there's so much I want/need to achieve - deadlines for newsletters, ideas for speeches, next steps for projects, attention to detail, moments to savour. I used to be great with all that, but as I discovered, it's just as easy to get out of a habit as it is to get into one.

Yes, there are books and experts all too willing to set me back on track. And while I appreciate the sentiment, I've decided to go it not so much alone, but on my own. I do know what I need to do, and I do know how to make it happen. I'm just stuck, a little bit, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm on the point of breaking through rather than the point of folding up my tent and going home. (There is also the possibility that the universe has been busy charting a course for change, which would be very interesting indeed.)

Either way, there's one thing I've packed into my case as I travel forward, and that's joy ... something I've worked without for I'm guessing a little too long. The joy of, well, everything, which is easy to find if we are willing to forego the angst and the bitterness and the grudges and the lamenting and the anger and the hate and the frustration that burdens so many of us, courtesy of whichever source we allow to feed it to us - the media, reality TV, gossipmongers, nitpickers, naysayers, and the doom and gloomers.

I'm opting instead, from here on in, to find the joy wherever I can. Even writing about it has added an extra spark to the day!

Okay, enough pontificating. Time to get down to business. I'm especially interested to see what this day will bring, aren't you?

Time to grow up

I was understandably unhappy. I thought I had it in the bag. Apart from the usual doubts that creep in whenever anyone is going after something they really want, I thought I was in like Flynn. Sadly, I was wrong.

Toastmasters speech contests are funny things. You work hard to create an interesting story that you can sell in a mere five to seven minutes, you practise till you are good and ready and it's a natural part of your life, and then you compete against all manner of speaker experience and try to stay calm and collected in front of anywhere from 10 to 4,000 people.

Some of your fellow speakers you know, some you don't. Sometimes all goes as expected, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you actually win, sometimes you don't even come close - or at least close enough. Always you walk away with something unexpected, sometimes right away, sometimes long after the fact.

It's now long after the fact, and I am happy to say that I have grown up quite a bit since that day in May when I placed second to Trisha Sveistrup. Not easy at first, especially with well-meaning friends and colleagues stroking my bruised ego.

However, time does heal all wounds, and I am truly excited to be going to the Toastmasters International Conference to support Trisha in her vying for the top prize. I'm looking forward to sitting in the crowd and giving her my full attention. I'm looking forward to joining in with the oohs and aahs, the laughs and the reflections. And I'm looking forward to growing up some more, and playing an active role in supporting a colleague instead of licking past wounds.

As for that unexpected something? That day I realised I am not defined by contest results. I am defined by the words I say and the way I say them. And I am defined by their impact on the people who hear me.

No matter the result this week, if Trisha can find that lesson, she will be a winner in every way that counts.

Could it work?

I’ve often thought that instead of standing with hands out, we should be working for our welfare. Our money. Our future. Our community.

Many of us seem to rely instead on the kindnesses of others — whether or not they are solicited or guilted into helping us.

Now, I’m sure it’s not that easy to simply turn down help and money when we need it and it is offered, and I know that for many people, there truly is no option. But I do believe that there are some who have got into the sheer habit of it and are taking advantage of that which was meant to go much further and help those who truly need it.

I’ve often spoken publicly about the idea of those who can, volunteering for money or food or even jobs. Perhaps at Winnipeg Harvest, Christmas Cheer Board, Siloam Mission, or Habitat for Humanity where they would be doing something to help others. Or at the Manitoba Children’s Museum, Take Pride Winnipeg, or Meals on Wheels where they can perhaps utilise their skills.

The real benefit comes from volunteering and then telling those around you, “I am volunteering until I can get a job, or I can get more experience, or I make connections that might help me down the line. Volunteering is a way for me to show what I can do and what I am willing to do while I give something back to the community.”

On the surface, it might look all too difficult, but there are groups willing to help those who want to help themselves — i.e., clothes for interviews or volunteer opportunities. And at the end of the day, you never know where it might lead.

Because I think it’s a great idea, I was happy to hear that Tony Abbott, Liberal candidate in the looming Australian federal election, wants to implement a big reform of youth welfare, where young people would volunteer to give up their benefits in return for a guaranteed job.

I think that Mr Abbott’s intention to “break the youth welfare subculture” is brave, ambitious, visionary, and pure common sense. Inspired by Noel Pearson, founder of the Cape York Institute for Policy and Leadership and a pioneer in seeking to break what he calls “passive welfare”, Abbott said: “I think that Noel’s ideas for breaking the cycle in terms of asking young people voluntarily to renounce their welfare entitlement for a period of time in return for a guaranteed job — I think these are well worth further exploring. If we are serious about attacking the entrenched welfare subculture more generally I think we do have to look at some of these visionary ideas.”

Of course, I’d like to see Abbott’s vision go even further, and have a few additional thoughts for those in youth detention centres, but that’s for another time.

Whether his words are enough to get Abbott and the Liberals elected in a few weeks time is neither here nor there for me. But if this idea takes root in any way that will help those who want and/or need an alternative to standing with their hands out, then I have to say that I’m all for it.

It's not for everyone and it won't help everyone, but I can see a few who might appreciate the option to take their future into their own hands.

What do you think?